"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm" - George Orwell

Monday, January 21, 2013

So here we are. (part 2)

I am truly sorry I have not responded to your comments on my last post. Please believe I have read every one and have placed them in my heart to help my strength.

Shortly after I posted Mary fell as she tried to lay in bed. I called her oncologist and he said to get her admitted to the hospital. I'll spare the details. They are mine too keep. She did tell me late Saturday night that she was tired of fighting.and just wanted to sleep. That's when I quit fighting and finally accepted the course the bastard disease was going to take us.

She is now in home hospice. And I find my self in charge of her pain level with plenty of morphine to keep her comfortable. The grandchildren came to visit her tonight This was such a good thing! They were finally told how sick she was by their parents. Something I  would never wish on my children. They came in and saw that she had not turned into a zombie, or grown green skin and antennae. When she told them to go find a snack in the kitchen. They knew she was there and they relaxed.

So here I sit in the dark of the living room listening to the hiss of her oxygen machine knowing that her oncologist said 'Just a few days.' My lady has class and dignity and a very stubborn Irish streak. It shows in her face when she is sleeping. She is beautiful. And I know that is the way she will go.

I finally have the peace she has and I will be holding her hand when it's over. Hospice is an awesome system and I am glad we have them.

A P.S. I have seen Grace and know what it means.


  1. Not sure what to say, but I'll pray that you maintain that state of peace.

    God Bless

  2. Just know that a lot of us care....

  3. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)January 22, 2013 at 6:50 AM

    Hospice care is just wonderful. I could not have taken care of my Dad without them as the nurses are true angels. Please know that with them to help you and your gracious lady, she will not be in pain. May our prayers give you comfort and peace.

  4. Cool,
    My heart goes out to you and your Sweet Wife, Mary. Having hospice will create peace, and comfort for Mary while she goes through the next journey of her life with God.
    Mary will be pleased you’ve found grace, and are at peace. Hold on to her hand, talk to her while she walks this journey. Even though she may not at times be watching, she will be listening to your voice and heart. Provide her with the gift of presence, acceptance and the silly humorous words she loves.
    My families’ prayers and blessings are with yours.
    God Bless!

  5. My thoughts and prayers for you and your wife.

  6. Thoughts and Prayers to you CC.

  7. I am so very sorry my friend. I will, and I my now will, pray for your dear wife. God bless you both.

  8. Your love for your wife shows clearly and brightly in your words.

    In this time of trial, all I can offer is thoughts and prayers but if there is anything else I can do please just let me know.


  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. May God bless both you...

  10. Hospice has the second hardest job in the world. Right now, yours is the first. This is really s***y, my friend. Kneemails inbound.

  11. I'll pray for a peaceful passing. She's simply ahead of you on her journey - you'll meet again. I believe that with all my heart . . .

  12. Love is obvious in your post. God bless you and yours.

  13. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you. I'm glad for her, and for you, that you can be there with her for this. I couldn't be with either of my parents when they passed, and it still hurts to think about that.

  14. There is a special place in heaven for the people that provide hospice care. It is a very noble calling.
    Prayers continue for you and yours. May that peace stay with you.

  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

  16. CoolChange, I know just how weak any words of mine will be. God speed the voyager with fair winds and following seas on her journey. We will all follow in our own time.

    And I hope that it's not out of line for me to recommend this:


  17. Man, I'm sorry. There's not much that I can say other than to let you know that you and your wife and family will be in my prayers.

  18. As a man, you are showing the height that your love can rise for your dear-heart.

    All I can say is what I would want in the same situation. Talk to her, and keep talking. Whisper close, stay closer. KEEP THE PAIN AWAY, and hold that hand that has shown such love for you through the years.

    Your rise to grace will be followed by many drops in grace, energy, and rightful anger. I will be here, but I know that gives no comfort. Nothing short of a miracle could do that now.

    I pray for a peaceful slip into eternity for her.

  19. Still praying for you both.

  20. I'm sorry to hear that. I'll keep you both in my thoughts. Hospice helped my grandpas last few days go easier when his kidney finally gave out.

  21. So sorry to hear that, know that our thoughts and prayers are with you both. She knows she is loved every day.

  22. I will pray for you both. Now to say something that I probably won't express well but please listen to the intent. My wife died from cancer in October 2011 and if there is one thing I truly regret it is that I was not able to separate time with her during her last days spent as a caregiver from time spent as her husband. Make sure to spend time with her as her husband. Lastly there is a book I read last December called Final Gifts by Maggie Callahan that sure explained a lot; I wish I had read it earlier. I don't know you and have never visited your blog before but if you want to talk my email is edcampbell@gotsky.com. Give her a hug!

  23. My heart goes out to you. Let's just say, been there.

    She is a lady of grace and class, beautiful in form and spirit always.

    Know that there are many out here listening. You are both held in our prayers, should you wish them, and our thoughts, as you take them in, in the embrace of these last days.

  24. I forgot to add this. You won't be ready to read this yet, but save it and read it later. Big Bro and I both send our thoughts.


  25. My Mother in Law recently died from cancer. It was sudden, and went undiagnosed until it was not treatable. Hospice, and her children, provided her peace and dignity in her final days. We were blessed to spend Thanksgiving with her while she was still able to get around a little.

    I hope the following will bring you some small measure of comfort...
    1 Corinthians 13:1-7 (NIV 1984)

    1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
    2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
    3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
    5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
    6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
    7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


  26. For what my words are worth-

    May your wife pass comfortably from this world to the next. With loved ones near and fear far from their hearts.

  27. You have warm thoughts, well wishes, and prayers from the direction of Florida. There is no easy way of going through this but there is still a right way and it sounds like you have that path.

  28. Prayers for you and your wife. No one can truly know what you both are going through. Just know that love lives on. Stay strong brother.

  29. More than I can say in words in a comment section.

    1. Oh Jennifer,

      My tears are flowing for this gift you gave us. I played it for Mary this morning. She smiled and said it was pretty. These kind of gifts are more precious than any gold or jewels and they last for eternity.

      Thank you so much.


  30. I don't know you and you don't know me but we both know this pain.