I am truly sorry I have not responded to your comments on my last post. Please believe I have read every one and have placed them in my heart to help my strength.
Shortly after I posted Mary fell as she tried to lay in bed. I called her oncologist and he said to get her admitted to the hospital. I'll spare the details. They are mine too keep. She did tell me late Saturday night that she was tired of fighting.and just wanted to sleep. That's when I quit fighting and finally accepted the course the bastard disease was going to take us.
She is now in home hospice. And I find my self in charge of her pain level with plenty of morphine to keep her comfortable. The grandchildren came to visit her tonight This was such a good thing! They were finally told how sick she was by their parents. Something I would never wish on my children. They came in and saw that she had not turned into a zombie, or grown green skin and antennae. When she told them to go find a snack in the kitchen. They knew she was there and they relaxed.
So here I sit in the dark of the living room listening to the hiss of her oxygen machine knowing that her oncologist said 'Just a few days.' My lady has class and dignity and a very stubborn Irish streak. It shows in her face when she is sleeping. She is beautiful. And I know that is the way she will go.
I finally have the peace she has and I will be holding her hand when it's over. Hospice is an awesome system and I am glad we have them.
A P.S. I have seen Grace and know what it means.